Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Randomize
