he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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