hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
