hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
