Can Purell be used as lube?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
