why didn't you poke me back
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
