you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
