I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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