he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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