my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
