: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
