I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
