You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
