So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Your dad touched me again.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
