We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
a search helicopter?!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
