I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
