he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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