shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
