he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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