I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
