im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I need help removing her.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
