a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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