Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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