Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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