at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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