So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
