My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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