I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
