Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
