I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
