Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
