I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
