Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
