I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My pussy is not your playground.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
