I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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