On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
it was like eating out sand paper
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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