If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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