I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
