I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
