Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
