My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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