once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
