it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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