There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
