i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
