you would pick up someone in the library
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
