i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
