I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
