There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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