I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
