why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
